***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
