My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
