im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
