i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I supernannyed him into submission
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
