just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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