We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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