I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
