Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
accomplished twins. life is a go
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
