like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
