I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
