so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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