i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
