i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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