If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
