Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
