So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
