I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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