my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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