I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
