Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
