WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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