About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
