she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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