cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
