I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
