Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
