idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
