My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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