do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
