we have officially lost it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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