My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
