Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize