No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
