i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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