The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
