Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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