it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
