The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
