Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
