im drinking this country out of the recession.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
