3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found puke in my bra..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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