that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
