This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
