just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
