Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
