Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
