So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
