I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
