i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
