I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i believe in u and ur pee
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