Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize