so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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