I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
