it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
