My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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