just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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