Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
