If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
