I just cut my nipple shaving
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
