my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize