Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
two words...techno handjob
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
