yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So many bounce houses so little time
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
