when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I supernannyed him into submission
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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