I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
