this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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