yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
