just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
