Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
