He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
