I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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