I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
