yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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