He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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