She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
