used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
