im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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