i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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