"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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