is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
