There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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