You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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