she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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