He told me they were just razor bumps!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize