Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
