So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
