Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
